My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
