You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
