I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
