hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
