if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
