Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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