Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
