That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
