Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
