is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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