You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
