I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i think i just lost a toe
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
