Who did Billy Mays play for?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So much Jack, so little girl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
