Pappa wants mamma naked
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
