i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
