Sry I called you an 8
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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