Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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