I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This baby is an asshole
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
