Buhtt sex?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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