we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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