I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i think my cat just said my name.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
