This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
