No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
