in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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