Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
