The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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