i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
