A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
