why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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