i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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