I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
