I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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