Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
