The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
