your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
