first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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