Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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