Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
