Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
