Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
