Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
