Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
