my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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