I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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