oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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