Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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