I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
