somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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