it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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