It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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