fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
