Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
