yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
