I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
